Never Leaving You Again
16. August 2012
Never Leaving You Again
I let out a sigh as the cold air surrounding the room hit me. I turned to the other side of the bed… All I could see was an empty space, an empty space that someone used to fill. Zayn. His scent still lingered in the air. I could almost feel his touch, hear his laugh… Gosh, I miss him so much. I miss his touch. I miss the way he looks at me. I miss the way his hazel eyes sparkle under the moonlight. I miss his kiss…that goddamn kiss that makes my insides go haywire. I miss the way he makes me laugh. I miss every single fucking thing about him. He was my special someone. It sounded so cliché, but it’s true. He had this space in my heart…a very huge space. When he left, I was looking for someone to fill up that space but there seemed to be no one who could. I would hate to say it but, Zayn left me hanging. He left us hanging. Yeah, Zayn got me pregnant. When he found out, he was not able to accept it and then, before I knew it, he was gone. These four months without him have been so hard. Ever since that time, we have not had any sort of communication. I still had communication with the four others (Niall, Liam, Louis, Harry) but not him. I refused to. During the first two months, I was in desperate need for Zayn to just talk to me and clear stuff up, but during the third month, I gave up. It was getting tiring on my part, trying to chase someone who is not even going to chase you back.
“Zayn, I have something to tell you. Mind meeting up? X”
“Sure babe. Uhm, I’ll just drop by your place. Seems urgent?”
“Uh, I guess. Aha! I’ll see you.”
I was kinda nervous, and at the same time, kinda excited to tell Zayn about the news. Butterflies were flying in my stomach as I waited for him. I hope he does not freak out. I smile to myself as I place my cell phone in my pocket. Why is it taking him so long? Or is it just me? I was now pacing back and forth, trying to practice what I’m going to say in my head. I don’t want to tell him straight away. It might shock him. Suddenly, I heard the honk of a car coming from outside, and at the same time, I felt my phone vibrate. I checked out my phone and saw a text from Zayn.
“Come out. (: x”
I looked outside and saw his Bentley parked across our house. I smiled and ran downstairs, and dashed outside. I climbed inside his car and flashed him a smile. He smiled back at me and asked, “So, what are you gonna tell me?” I paused for a moment and tried to gather my thoughts. Should I tell him straight away? Should I give him hints? I let out a sigh, and then smiled a little bit.
“I guess, we’re going to have a mini you running around.” I finally burst out, my voice choking as I did so.
His eyebrow arched in confusion and he had confusion written all over his face. “You’re…p-pregnant?” he asked nervously.
I nodded and looked at him, my eyes narrowing at his sudden change of expression. “I-is there something wrong?” I asked in a whisper.
“You know I have a reputation to uphold, right?” he said flatly.
“I know that…but aren’t you feeling happy about this?” I asked him again. “I mean, we could start a family. You and me. I love you, Zayn.”
“I know that, and I love you too but, I’m not ready for this. I’m stil…we’re still young and…I don’t know. I’m just not ready.” He said, with the least bit of enthusiasm. The smile from my face and the sparkle from my eyes quickly faded.
“Just at least, find your place in the baby’s life! It’s our baby!” I snapped at him. I was getting really furious but I had to hold it in.
“I can’t. I’m sorry, but I really cannot do this.” He surprisingly stayed calm. “But, I wish you all the best and-“
“Wish me all the best?!” I shouted, with tears falling down my cheeks. “How could I do my best without you Zayn?! I thought it was you and me, no matter what! I thought that you were the one who’s gonna love me and never leave me, no matter what the situation was! You know what, fine! I don’t need a selfish, uncaring PRICK in my life.”
“Just let me explain pl-“ before he could continue, I cut him off, saying, “You’ve said enough, Zayn. You’ve explained your side.” I stepped out of his car and slammed the door shut. I ran back inside the house and really cried. I leaned against the door, and dropped to the floor. I buried my head in my arms and let the tears out. I can’t do this without him. I can’t.
And ever since that time, the other lads have been my “support system”. Sometimes, one of them (mostly Harry and Louis) would take me to doctor’s appointment and we would go eat somewhere right after. They have been of huge help to me, and I think I owe them one. But they said that it’s no big deal and they’re doing it because “friends care for friends.” They would sometimes mention Zayn in a conversation every now and then but I would try and dodge it every time. It pains me to see his face sometimes (on the internet), or even hear his name. There are times that I say to myself that I still need him but sometimes, I just remember that he’s a selfish prick and that he’s never coming back because he does not want to be a part of me and my baby’s life. I’ve seen single mothers who have brought up their children really well. Who knows, I might be able to do that too.
I got my phone from under the pillow. I tapped the screen and saw a message from Liam.
“It’s my turn todayyyyyyy! Be there at around eleven. Danielle’s coming along, if you don’t mind. She misses you. Xx”
“Okay, Li-Li. I don’t mind at all! And tell her I miss her too. (:”
I hit send and went to the bathroom to have a quick shower. After which, I got the clothes I picked out last night from the drawer. I’ve always had the habit of picking out clothes the night before. Must have been Zayn’s influence. Ugh! It’s that name again. As I was changing, I heard the doorbell ring. Liam and Danielle must have been pretty early, I thought to myself. I put on my flats and carefully made my way downstairs. The doorbell rang once again. I opened the door and the smile almost never came back to my face.
“Zayn?” I choked out.
He just looked at me for a full minute, and I raised my eyebrow. “What are you doing here? You’re not supposed to be here.” I flatly said. I placed my hand on the doorknob and closed the door but his strong hands stopped it from closing and he said, “I’m sorry.”
I looked at him and narrowed my eyes. His hazel eyes were looking at me, begging me. “I’m sorry.” He said once again, this time, even more audible. “I’m really sorry, for what I have done.”
“It’s too late, Zayn. The damage has been done.” I said, trying to push him out of the way. He dashed inside the house and closed the door.
“But we could fix this damage, couldn’t we?” he asked.
“No, Zayn. You said so yourself that you could not find a place in the baby’s life, which implied that you do not want to be a part of this.” I said, remembering the heart-crushing words he said before. “And besides, you have a reputation to uphold.”
“Listen to me, okay.” He brought his large hands to my petite ones, locking them with his. “That was four months ago. Everything could change in a span of four months, right? Just please, give me another chance.”
“Zayn…” I let go of his hands, and sighed. “I can do this by myself. I can handle this. It’s too late now.”
“It’s not too late!” he snapped, and then finally gained his composure after his sudden outburst. “I can make it up to you. I promise you, I can. Please, forgive me.” A tear fell down his cheek and it caused me to give him a hug. His head was nuzzled in my neck, the way he used to before. I let go of him, and he was holding on to my shoulder. “I love you, I have always loved you. The boys have constantly reminded me that leaving you was the biggest mistake of my life, and I have realized that they were right. I want to start over, babe. I realized that I want to be a part of the baby’s life…our baby’s life. I could not stand the thought of him…or her not having a father who would always be by his or her side. I don’t want him or her to be looking for his or her father… I don’t want that. I want to be by your side. Please forgive me.”
Three years later…
“Good morning, mummy.” I heard my daughter’s little voice greet me. I opened my eyes and flashed a smile.
“Good morning, hun.” I said, then sat up from the bed. “Daddy comes home today.” I reminded her.
“I wanna see daddy.” She replied as she climbed up my lap and looked at me. Damn, she’s got his father’s eyes. She’s like a splitting image of Zayn, I swear to God. Maybe I was right about us having a mini Zayn running around.
“Now let’s go have breakfast. You would not want to see daddy with an empty tummy, now would you?” I pinched her cheek gently and carried her in my arms. When we reached the living room, I saw a figure lying on the couch, and bags sprawled on the floor. I came nearer and saw Zayn asleep on our couch. He looked so peaceful, almost like an angel.
“Good morning baby.” I whispered in his ear and stroked his cheek. He let out a groan and turned around. His eyes fluttered open and he sat up.
“Daddy!” Zeiah exclaimed and climbed up Zayn’s lap. “Good morning, daddy. I missed you. Mummy missed you, too.”
I let out a chuckle, and Zayn did too. He looked at me with a smile on his eyes, and on his lips. “Daddy missed both of you.” He placed both of his feet on the carpet and then patted the space next to him, motioning me to sit next to him. I did so and as I did, he placed his arm around me and brought me closer to him. He kissed the top of my head and smiled at me. I smiled back at him as I wrapped my arms around his waist. All I could say was, I was happy with this man. Zayn and I were perfect for each other, and the lads said so too. They would sometimes say that we were meant for each other, and it was a good thought. Who would ever know that we would get back together sometime? I might not have been immediately, but at least we were given time to ponder on stuff. They said that two people are meant for each other if those two people would still end up finding the other, and would also end up getting back together despite what happened in the past. I guess that applied to me and Zayn. It really felt great being with him again. We may have had arguments the first month we were back together but it made our relationship stronger. We would sometimes fight over silly things, but we get over those easily. I love Zayn dearly, and he feels the same for me and our daughter. I’m glad he found his way back to my heart, and I’m glad I took him back.